Dark Humor

Judith Newman writes a marvelous article in this month's Readers Digest: "When the tough get going, the touch crack wise.". The mother of an autistic child, she writes in defense of dark humor as a way to cope with that which cannot be dealt with.

Humor can help one endure the unendurable. Every parent of a special needs child must bear a secret pain that can barely be recognized, much less expressed. What parent does not want a whole and healthy child? Yet some 20 million special needs families have mothers and fathers who are required to love and care for a child who cannot meet those high hopes.

How do you handle it? Mrs. Newman says that laughing at the agony is at least part of the answer. "Every day of my life, I thank God for dark humor. I subscribe wholeheartedly to this idea, first put forth by Woody Allen, "Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon." What is it about humans that make us want to laugh when logically, we should cry?

One of the most interesting statements was her idea that dark humor is a form of bravery. Katherine Rich, author of "The Red Devil: to hell with cancer and back" writes a funny and heart-rending book. She says, "The worse things get, the funnier I think they are. That is how I grew up, how I learned to handle things.There is a form of defiance in laughing at pain. It demonstrates that we are NOT totally a helpless victim in a universe in which pain could be -- and often is -- right around the corner.

Richard Reich, Clinton's diminutive labor secretary jokes with audiences "They told me to be short.". His audience is comfortable with his height, because he is comfortable. It's a sophisticated form of consideration, another fascinating insight to me. Who knew that joking about an affliction is a means of being thoughtful?

"A twisted sense of humor I realized recently is the common denominator among the most loving, considerate people I know. Arnie Carn at UNC studies the role of humor in stress, how humor helps us cope. His research shows what we instinctively know,that humor helps limit the painful effects of trauma. Aggressive humor and affiliative humor have no effect on how people perceive stress. Affiliative humor is joking around in general. Two styles do matter: self enhancing and self defeating. People high in self enhancing humor do not see so much stress in their lives. Self defeating humor "When I was little, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them: leads to higher stress. Self enhancing humor, the ability to. Crack wise and see the hunmir in any situation when your world is falling apart, protects us from the effects of stress.

It works at the office as well. People who can laugh at high stress perform better. Funeral directors are funny and mourners often initiate humor. Laughing is the flipside of crying.